I believe in a thing called Love

For a long time I have been against relationships. From what I have seen time and time again, all people ever do is lie, cheat and break each other’s hearts.

Lesbians seem to be the worst of all.

Women seem to be biologically programmed to always want to be in a relationship. It’s like they can’t exist outside of one. When a lesbian couple breaks up, it’s usually only a matter of days before they are already involved with someone else.

I love drama but this kind of drama is just depressing to me.

What happened to the old-school notions of courtship and romance? These days its like partners are strangers even unto each other.

When I first told my brother that I was signing up for Internet dating, his immediate response was that the only people I would meet on the Internet are “ugly people and social retards”. Determined to prove him wrong and desperate to find Love, I decided that I would give it a go anyway.

Going to a club these days is quite an unpleasant experience for me. I feel old and by 8pm most evenings I’m ready for bed; I don’t like loud noises and the smell of cigarette smoke makes me nauseous. Also, lesbians scare me.

When you walk into a lesbian club, women look at you like you’re a piece of meat. Whilst I don’t mind doing this to someone else, I don’t particularly enjoy being a victim of it. Also, we all know that half the reason of getting dressed up and going out is to hook up. When you’re drunk, every woman in the club seems like an enticing prospect- until you wake up the next morning thinking “Oh my God what have I done I hate myself”.

Internet dating at least gives me the advantage of (1) not being drunk, and (2) screening out all the ugly people.

Sure, people can be very diplomatic with their choice of profile picture. But aside from that, I also at least get to know a little about them- stuff you would never learn if you met in a club.

The irony of the situation is that you can actually get to know someone better sitting behind a computer than if you met them in real life.

And contrary to my brother’s warning, I actually did meet attractive, intelligent women that I otherwise would not have met.

Unfortunately I haven’t met “the one” yet. Whilst most lesbians are happy to jump indiscriminately from one relationship to another, I find myself unable to do that. It seems like I have unearthed some romantic notion in myself that I must wait for “the One”- that when our eyes meet across a crowded room we will be inexplicably drawn to one another and then bam bam bam live happily ever after.

When I told my brother this he told me that I’m probably going to die alone.

Maybe he’s right, I don’t know. At the rate that relationships form and dissolve these days though, it seems like we’re all probably going to die alone. Either that or trapped in an unhappy relationship for years and years, quietly stifling the inner voice that says “This isn’t me. I’m not happy”.

To me it seems like a heavy price to pay- to be lonely but not alone. The ultimate compromise. For better or worse, I have always been a person of extremes, and this is one issue I will never compromise on: I will wait for “the One”, I will wait as long as it takes. Even if it means I will die alone.