After the Oprah interview ended, I scurried like a squirrel to the VHS recorder to retrieve my chunky cassette and hid it shamefully at the back of my closet. It was in the closet. I was in the closet. Nobody ever knew about my secret treasure- I made sure of that. Every now and then when I was alone I would watch the interview over and over again. The thrill seeing someone who was ‘just like me’ was beyond compare. It felt like I was doing something illegal- for which there would be an awful punishment should I get caught. It was a terrifying adrenalin rush.
After coming out, Ellen’s career took a drastic turn for the worse. Actually it crashed and burned. It took another 10 years before she could pick up the pieces and slowly begin to salvage her career. Like a modern-day lesbian Jesus, she had martyred herself for our cause, and then rose triumphantly from the ashes to become the closest thing lesbians have to a Saint.
Saint Ellen of Hollywood. Amen.
The lesbian revolution began 14 years ago when Ellen first came out of the closet. Her relatively recent meteoric rise within popular culture is nothing short of a modern day lesbian miracle. She has managed to capture the hearts of millions with her easy charm and winning sense of humor. Even homophobic Middle America loves her. Notice that now I can say the word lesbian? Thanks Ellen! It’s much easier to associate myself with a label when it’s not drenched in shame and self-loathing.
The more famous Ellen became, the more lesbian visibility increased within mainstream society. Next came the TV show “The L word” (even they couldn’t say the word). The show cheekily suggested that lesbians aren’t all beaten with the ugly stick at birth, and that we really can be interesting people- a revolutionary concept at the time. People bought it. Lesbians everywhere rejoiced. Thanks Hollywood!
The lesbian Revolution had begun.
With the evolution of Ellen’s appearance over the last decade, lesbians worldwide have seemed to undergo a transformative collective makeover. Never before have the women of our clan looked so attractive. And why is that?
Because we have embraced our femininity.
That’s right. We wear make-up. We wear well-fitted clothes. And most importantly: we no longer look like men.
We are evolving.
Then Saint Ellen married Portia DeRossi and proved that it really is true- we really can have it all: a successful career, a sexy wife, and the love of millions of heterosexual people all over the world. No more shame. No more fear. Viva le’ Revolution!
As a child, the only lesbians I ever saw were the manly khaki-wearing type that walked with a heavy gait and made me want to renounce my sexuality indefinitely. I even briefly considered becoming a nun (but then again, don’t we all?). Back then I couldn’t Google search the word ‘lesbian’ and read lame lesbian erotica about full moons and ‘bucking’ pelvises. All I had was my beloved VHS tape and a lonely closet.
Never before have lesbians enjoyed such unprecedented integration within mainstream society. These days you can spot us anywhere in our skinny jeans and converse sneakers, most probably eating organic hummus in our backyard vegetable gardens. We’re everywhere, we’re distinctly visible, and we owe it all to Ellen. And I know that somewhere high above- in her multimillion-dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills-Saint Ellen watches over us all.
Can I get a ‘Hallelujah’?
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