My first published article!

Thought for the day

Thought for the day

Thought for the day

Occupy Wall Street

Quote of the day

"Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains." - Steve Jobs

Quote of the day

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” ~ Steve Jobs

RIP Steve Jobs

Manifesto

E = mc2

Shock Horror

Eating Sunlight

Hope

This is why I am a Vegan

Antz

Oxymoron

911 Loose Change

Liar Liar

Religion = Bullshit

Gay America

Ten years after America is devastated by the 9/11 World Trade Tower attacks, the city of New York finally legalizes gay marriage. A few months after gay marriage is legalized, the world’s financial markets begin collapsing.

Coincidence? I think not.

While gays all over the world fight for the right to be treated equally, much larger and more sinister human rights abuses are going on every day around the world. Entire countries are squealing under the heavy boot of the USA, desperately trying to protect what little sovereignty they have left. Whether they like it or not they will have a drive-thru McDonald’s on every street. That’s democracy, after all.

Isn’t it?

In some ways we’re even worse off than the peasants of centuries ago. We’re worse off because most of us aren’t even aware of how imprisoned we really are. Consumerism has brainwashed us into zombies. We care more about shoes and shopping than we do about each other. TV pacifies us even further into ignorance and apathy.

We are only told what they want us to know- even the media are enslaved.
The truth is kept secret and used to control us, and we are too busy watching “Jersey Shore” to even care.

“How does this affect gay people?” I hear you ask.

Well, before Capitalism there was the Church. They also lied about the truth and tried to control us through fear- the fear that being gay would anger God and make him send us to Hell; the fear that they would discover our secret and slaughter us “in the name of God”.

The Church’s basic modus operandi was to first convert and if that didn’t work then kill. America is no different.

America is founded on the same principles as the Christian Church: dominate the people by hiding the truth and making up your own rules. Kill anyone who gets in the way.

Gay rights challenge these lies in a very fundamental way. If they could have killed and enslaved us all centuries ago they would have- it’s just unfortunate for them we don’t all have the same skin color. Now we are finally beginning to see the fruits of our labor- the right to be married and treated equally under the law. Bear in mind that this process has taken decades, and it was not without considerable bloodshed.

If being gay is ok, then that means they lied to us. And if they lied to us about that, what else have they lied to us about? Their lies are becoming increasingly transparent.

The events of 9/11 were not an act of “terrorism”, as the American government would like to have us believe. They were a desperate attempt by the US Government to induce fear- so that Americans would agree to forfeit their basic rights and thereby further empower the US military.

The airplane that flew into the Pentagon apparently “disintegrated on impact”. Yes ok America, whatever you say. Was there also a virgin birth involved? The financial ties between Osama Bin Laden’s family and America’s financial elite are too intricate and inter-woven for them to ever really be “enemies”. They couldn’t even show us Bin Laden’s body after they claimed to have killed him. That’s like me telling you I killed a lion with my bare hands but I can’t show you it’s body because I buried it in the ocean. Do you believe me? Or like me saying I saw someone turn water into wine? Oh no wait that one’s already been done…

The legalization of gay marriage in New York is yet another hole in the sinking ship that is Western civilization. The fact is that in our Capitalist society it really doesn’t matter who you’re having sex with, gay or straight or otherwise. If you have money and power you’re free to engage in whatever sexual activities you desire- no-matter how sick and depraved. It’s all part of the game.

In America you can be as gay as Michael Jackson if you want to and invite little kids over for sleepovers and plough them with “Jesus juice” and god knows what else. Money buys that kind of freedom in our society. Just ask the Catholic church- they’ve been raping children for centuries.

Lesbian (R)evolution

I remember the first time I ever saw a lesbian. The year was 1997 and Ellen DeGeneres was sitting opposite Oprah on the TV, admitting to the world that yes indeed she was “gay”. She couldn’t even say the word lesbian. Neither could I. The word itself made me cringe- it conjured up images of that creepy depressed clown in KD Lang’s “Constant craving” music video. KD Lang scared me. I didn’t want to be that kind of lesbian.

After the Oprah interview ended, I scurried like a squirrel to the VHS recorder to retrieve my chunky cassette and hid it shamefully at the back of my closet. It was in the closet. I was in the closet. Nobody ever knew about my secret treasure- I made sure of that. Every now and then when I was alone I would watch the interview over and over again. The thrill seeing someone who was ‘just like me’ was beyond compare. It felt like I was doing something illegal- for which there would be an awful punishment should I get caught. It was a terrifying adrenalin rush.

After coming out, Ellen’s career took a drastic turn for the worse. Actually it crashed and burned. It took another 10 years before she could pick up the pieces and slowly begin to salvage her career. Like a modern-day lesbian Jesus, she had martyred herself for our cause, and then rose triumphantly from the ashes to become the closest thing lesbians have to a Saint.

Saint Ellen of Hollywood. Amen.

The lesbian revolution began 14 years ago when Ellen first came out of the closet. Her relatively recent meteoric rise within popular culture is nothing short of a modern day lesbian miracle. She has managed to capture the hearts of millions with her easy charm and winning sense of humor. Even homophobic Middle America loves her. Notice that now I can say the word lesbian? Thanks Ellen! It’s much easier to associate myself with a label when it’s not drenched in shame and self-loathing.

The more famous Ellen became, the more lesbian visibility increased within mainstream society. Next came the TV show “The L word” (even they couldn’t say the word). The show cheekily suggested that lesbians aren’t all beaten with the ugly stick at birth, and that we really can be interesting people- a revolutionary concept at the time. People bought it. Lesbians everywhere rejoiced. Thanks Hollywood!

The lesbian Revolution had begun.

With the evolution of Ellen’s appearance over the last decade, lesbians worldwide have seemed to undergo a transformative collective makeover. Never before have the women of our clan looked so attractive. And why is that?

Because we have embraced our femininity.

That’s right. We wear make-up. We wear well-fitted clothes. And most importantly: we no longer look like men.

We are evolving.

Then Saint Ellen married Portia DeRossi and proved that it really is true- we really can have it all: a successful career, a sexy wife, and the love of millions of heterosexual people all over the world. No more shame. No more fear. Viva le’ Revolution!

As a child, the only lesbians I ever saw were the manly khaki-wearing type that walked with a heavy gait and made me want to renounce my sexuality indefinitely. I even briefly considered becoming a nun (but then again, don’t we all?). Back then I couldn’t Google search the word ‘lesbian’ and read lame lesbian erotica about full moons and ‘bucking’ pelvises. All I had was my beloved VHS tape and a lonely closet.

Never before have lesbians enjoyed such unprecedented integration within mainstream society. These days you can spot us anywhere in our skinny jeans and converse sneakers, most probably eating organic hummus in our backyard vegetable gardens. We’re everywhere, we’re distinctly visible, and we owe it all to Ellen. And I know that somewhere high above- in her multimillion-dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills-Saint Ellen watches over us all.

Can I get a ‘Hallelujah’?

The "real" L word

We all know that there is no such thing as “reality” television. Absolutely everything is scripted. Nothing is left to chance. The whole purpose of creating one in the first place is to get people to watch it- in order to make money.

These days it’s hard to keep up with the Kardashians and the millions of others morons on every conceivable reality show premise known to man. It was only a matter of time before the lesbians entered the fray.

Hats off to the woman who has actually made lesbians seem interesting. From the woman who first brought us “The L word”, we now have a show about real women like ourselves- “The real L word”.

The great part about the show is that they edit out all of the boring bits. Which I’m guessing is a lot. The result is that we spend a lot of time with the main character Whitney who is the best looking lesbian for miles. She’s the “Shane” character who drops one woman off at the airport after spending the weekend having sexy times with her only to drive down to arrivals and pick up another woman. She explains herself by telling us that she “loves women, but not in a lame way”.

We also get to watch all the bitchiness and drama that goes down in the clubs at night. This one is sleeping with this one. That one is jealous of that one. This one slept with that one’s ex just to make another one jealous. By one degree of separation it could quickly be calculated that every woman in the club has slept with each other. All of our dirty lesbian laundry is being aired on this show.

Another great couple is Skeletal Barbie and her bisexual partner who are getting married. Every morning they sit at the dining room table with their matching laptops, scanning the Internet for wedding dresses. Skeletal Barbie wants to wear a Gucci pants suit but her femme partner wants her to wear a dress. I’m sure by the time the wedding is over these two will be too boring for television, but its nice to see the chaos and drama involved in catering to not one but two women’s childhood-fairytale-wedding fantasies.

And then there is another solid lesbian stereotype: Mikey. Mikey is a butch lesbian with a humungous ego who constantly alludes to her obvious penis envy. She’s a man trapped in a woman’s body and that seems to make her very angry. She’s vulgar and tacky- something you’d expect to see in the East Rand- except she wears expensive clothes and has arms full of tattoos.

Obviously being set in Los Angeles, the women are going to be better looking than anywhere else, but other than that they are all pretty much like you and me. The only thing that is different is that they have a great Content Editor to write their insightful Big Brother-like seated monologues where they display all the wit, wisdom and insight of the producers behind the scenes.

Personally, I think that TV rots your brain. And if you watch reality TV for long enough you will probably become retarded. That said, it is nice to see lesbians being represented in mainstream media. Lets just hope they don’t run out of content too soon.

We are family!

It seems like gay issues are really coming to the fore these days.  First there was the spate of teen bullying related suicides in America and now in South Africa it’s as though every lesbian is walking around with a target on her back.

The worst thing about these recent lesbian killings is the unspeakable violence that has been perpetrated against these women.  For most of us, watching someone get shot or even stabbed hardly even causes a flinch- we see it on TV every single day.  But when a woman is raped, stabbed, and her body is beaten beyond recognition…  Well, words hardly do justice to convey that level of injustice.

“Why is this happening?” we all ask ourselves every time we hear of another lesbian killing.  Why do people hate lesbians so much?  What did we ever do to anyone?

If you ask me, the reason why this is happening is because of Apartheid.  Yes that’s right Whities, it really is our fault.  What do you expect when you immasculate an entire subsection of the population, deny them proper education, and treat them like animals and criminals?

These men are angry and they are powerless.  And they are unleashing their anger on the only people they are able to- those less powerful than themselves.  In the impoverished areas of our country young girls are being raped on a daily basis.  Women grow up learning that they are at all times subservient to men’s sexual needs.  There is a delicate power balance that is desperately trying to right itself in the most absurd and improper way.

Before you women start accusing me of being an Apartheid sympathizer or even worse a rapist sympathizer or whatever just hear me out:  As if these men could not be even more emasculated, along comes a lesbian to love their women.  It’s a territorial power struggle which the lesbian alone can never win. 

I am so relieved to hear that our government is finally taking action against these crimes.  Not only does it broadcast their disapproval as Africans, but it also serves to show that lesbians are accepted within our great country.  The world still has a long way to go in terms of accepting us, but baby steps are getting us there one day at a time.

At the end of the day, we’re all one and then same.  Black, white.  Gay, straight.  We’re all a part of the human race.  No single religion or belief system condones violence, and yet so many crimes are committed in their name.  Why don’t we rather focus on what we have in common, as opposed to our differences…

If you can do that then you’ll see… that we are all family.

It's a small world after all!

                                  “You can never have too much of what you don’t need”

As I lay gently sleeping last night, my Blackberry was at that very moment abuzz with feverish activity.  As it turns out, a varsity friend of mine had unknowingly befriended a friend of my brother’s on Twitter.

Oh the pandemonium.

And thus my BBM was awash with messages: 

“Six degrees of separation!”

“It’s such a small world, hey!”

“What are the odds!?!?”

Well, actually the odds are quite high.

For those of you who aren’t “with it”, Twitter is a social networking site that allows people to ‘follow’ and talk to random strangers, and then the random strangers reply and instantly a bond is formed.  It’s a very impersonal way of making friends, and it’s no wonder then that social retards are attracted to it like magpies to shiny things.

So while these nitwits post their single-sentence thoughts and musings the environment slowly suffers for their unashamed rampant materialism.

Yes that’s right, these Twits (what you call people on Twitter, FYI) are single-handedly responsible for the melting of the ice caps.

“How is this possible?” I hear you ask.

Well think about it:  These Twits are so bored and disconnected from their lives that they need to make friends (now called “social networking”) via the internet just like pedophiles do.  Do you see the connection yet?

Just the other day I watched the documentaries “An Inconvenient Truth” and “The 11^th Hour”.  Apart from my shock and horror that Al Gore somehow managed to make the aforementioned documentary revolve around him, I became genuinely convinced that the human species really is causing the global climate changes which are causing so much chaos and devastation to our planet.  I was also struck by how new all of this information is to me.

Why didn’t anyone tell me this was happening?

Well, maybe they did.  Maybe I just wasn’t listening.  And I’m sure my unnatural distrust of Al Gore didn’t help either.

Somehow, Leonardo DiCaprio just made the medicine go down in a much more delightful way than that fat bastard Al Gore.  At least he didn’t interrupt his documentary half way to wax lyrical about growing up on a farm in a fake Southern accent. 

But anyway, the point is that the earth’s human population is way too high and this is causing us to rape and pillage the land in unprecedented proportions.  And as a result the excessive carbon dioxide emissions are causing the earth to heat up.  Which is causing the ice to melt and the sea levels to rise, as well as an increase in hurricanes and whatnot. 

We have done this.  The human race has caused these disasters to occur.  And now we are paying the price.

And do you think the Twits care?  No they don’t. 

They care about clothes and shoes and money, and about who looked the hottest at the club last weekend.  Rampant raging consumerism.  Unrecyclable waste products.  Continually trying to fill the void that our empty materialism has created.

Ironically, the only solution to Global warming lies in letting go of things.  “Things are thieves of time”.  Yes it is a small world, and one day soon if we don’t make some serious changes it will get even smaller.  It’s time to wake up from our collective consumer comas and start making a positive difference in the world. 

I’m sure this will make a great single-sentence status update.