The "real" L word

We all know that there is no such thing as “reality” television. Absolutely everything is scripted. Nothing is left to chance. The whole purpose of creating one in the first place is to get people to watch it- in order to make money.

These days it’s hard to keep up with the Kardashians and the millions of others morons on every conceivable reality show premise known to man. It was only a matter of time before the lesbians entered the fray.

Hats off to the woman who has actually made lesbians seem interesting. From the woman who first brought us “The L word”, we now have a show about real women like ourselves- “The real L word”.

The great part about the show is that they edit out all of the boring bits. Which I’m guessing is a lot. The result is that we spend a lot of time with the main character Whitney who is the best looking lesbian for miles. She’s the “Shane” character who drops one woman off at the airport after spending the weekend having sexy times with her only to drive down to arrivals and pick up another woman. She explains herself by telling us that she “loves women, but not in a lame way”.

We also get to watch all the bitchiness and drama that goes down in the clubs at night. This one is sleeping with this one. That one is jealous of that one. This one slept with that one’s ex just to make another one jealous. By one degree of separation it could quickly be calculated that every woman in the club has slept with each other. All of our dirty lesbian laundry is being aired on this show.

Another great couple is Skeletal Barbie and her bisexual partner who are getting married. Every morning they sit at the dining room table with their matching laptops, scanning the Internet for wedding dresses. Skeletal Barbie wants to wear a Gucci pants suit but her femme partner wants her to wear a dress. I’m sure by the time the wedding is over these two will be too boring for television, but its nice to see the chaos and drama involved in catering to not one but two women’s childhood-fairytale-wedding fantasies.

And then there is another solid lesbian stereotype: Mikey. Mikey is a butch lesbian with a humungous ego who constantly alludes to her obvious penis envy. She’s a man trapped in a woman’s body and that seems to make her very angry. She’s vulgar and tacky- something you’d expect to see in the East Rand- except she wears expensive clothes and has arms full of tattoos.

Obviously being set in Los Angeles, the women are going to be better looking than anywhere else, but other than that they are all pretty much like you and me. The only thing that is different is that they have a great Content Editor to write their insightful Big Brother-like seated monologues where they display all the wit, wisdom and insight of the producers behind the scenes.

Personally, I think that TV rots your brain. And if you watch reality TV for long enough you will probably become retarded. That said, it is nice to see lesbians being represented in mainstream media. Lets just hope they don’t run out of content too soon.

We are family!

It seems like gay issues are really coming to the fore these days.  First there was the spate of teen bullying related suicides in America and now in South Africa it’s as though every lesbian is walking around with a target on her back.

The worst thing about these recent lesbian killings is the unspeakable violence that has been perpetrated against these women.  For most of us, watching someone get shot or even stabbed hardly even causes a flinch- we see it on TV every single day.  But when a woman is raped, stabbed, and her body is beaten beyond recognition…  Well, words hardly do justice to convey that level of injustice.

“Why is this happening?” we all ask ourselves every time we hear of another lesbian killing.  Why do people hate lesbians so much?  What did we ever do to anyone?

If you ask me, the reason why this is happening is because of Apartheid.  Yes that’s right Whities, it really is our fault.  What do you expect when you immasculate an entire subsection of the population, deny them proper education, and treat them like animals and criminals?

These men are angry and they are powerless.  And they are unleashing their anger on the only people they are able to- those less powerful than themselves.  In the impoverished areas of our country young girls are being raped on a daily basis.  Women grow up learning that they are at all times subservient to men’s sexual needs.  There is a delicate power balance that is desperately trying to right itself in the most absurd and improper way.

Before you women start accusing me of being an Apartheid sympathizer or even worse a rapist sympathizer or whatever just hear me out:  As if these men could not be even more emasculated, along comes a lesbian to love their women.  It’s a territorial power struggle which the lesbian alone can never win. 

I am so relieved to hear that our government is finally taking action against these crimes.  Not only does it broadcast their disapproval as Africans, but it also serves to show that lesbians are accepted within our great country.  The world still has a long way to go in terms of accepting us, but baby steps are getting us there one day at a time.

At the end of the day, we’re all one and then same.  Black, white.  Gay, straight.  We’re all a part of the human race.  No single religion or belief system condones violence, and yet so many crimes are committed in their name.  Why don’t we rather focus on what we have in common, as opposed to our differences…

If you can do that then you’ll see… that we are all family.