“You can never have too much of what you don’t need”
As I lay gently sleeping last night, my Blackberry was at that very moment abuzz with feverish activity. As it turns out, a varsity friend of mine had unknowingly befriended a friend of my brother’s on Twitter.
Oh the pandemonium.
And thus my BBM was awash with messages:
“Six degrees of separation!”
“It’s such a small world, hey!”
“What are the odds!?!?”
Well, actually the odds are quite high.
For those of you who aren’t “with it”, Twitter is a social networking site that allows people to ‘follow’ and talk to random strangers, and then the random strangers reply and instantly a bond is formed. It’s a very impersonal way of making friends, and it’s no wonder then that social retards are attracted to it like magpies to shiny things.
So while these nitwits post their single-sentence thoughts and musings the environment slowly suffers for their unashamed rampant materialism.
Yes that’s right, these Twits (what you call people on Twitter, FYI) are single-handedly responsible for the melting of the ice caps.
“How is this possible?” I hear you ask.
Well think about it: These Twits are so bored and disconnected from their lives that they need to make friends (now called “social networking”) via the internet just like pedophiles do. Do you see the connection yet?
Just the other day I watched the documentaries “An Inconvenient Truth” and “The 11th Hour”. Apart from my shock and horror that Al Gore somehow managed to make the aforementioned documentary revolve around him, I became genuinely convinced that the human species really is causing the global climate changes which are causing so much chaos and devastation to our planet. I was also struck by how new all of this information is to me.
Why didn’t anyone tell me this was happening?
Well, maybe they did. Maybe I just wasn’t listening. And I’m sure my unnatural distrust of Al Gore didn’t help either.
Somehow, Leonardo DiCaprio just made the medicine go down in a much more delightful way than that fat bastard Al Gore. At least he didn’t interrupt his documentary half way to wax lyrical about growing up on a farm in a fake Southern accent.
But anyway, the point is that the earth’s human population is way too high and this is causing us to rape and pillage the land in unprecedented proportions. And as a result the excessive carbon dioxide emissions are causing the earth to heat up. Which is causing the ice to melt and the sea levels to rise, as well as an increase in hurricanes and whatnot.
We have done this. The human race has caused these disasters to occur. And now we are paying the price.
And do you think the Twits care? No they don’t.
They care about clothes and shoes and money, and about who looked the hottest at the club last weekend. Rampant raging consumerism. Unrecyclable waste products. Continually trying to fill the void that our empty materialism has created.
Ironically, the only solution to Global warming lies in letting go of things. “Things are thieves of time”. Yes it is a small world, and one day soon if we don’t make some serious changes it will get even smaller. It’s time to wake up from our collective consumer comas and start making a positive difference in the world.
I’m sure this will make a great single-sentence status update.
